World of Warcraft Hits 7 Million Mark
SEVEN MILLION PEOPLE play world of WarCraft.
Seven MILLION. Think about that number.
Seven Million is the population of the state of Virginia.
Seven Million is twice the population of URUGUAY.
Seven MILLION is the number of people who have no idea where Uruguay *IS*.
That's a lot of frelling people playing the game, and while I'm impressed, I can't help but think
that the number may be skewed just a bit by Blizzard, the makers of the game - and also a tasty treat at Dairy Queen.
In fact I know that these numbers are off, and have been padded, added and recalculated for shock value and that the *true* number is MUCH much lower.
How do I know this?
Easy. I play EverQuest II.
*sighs* Okay. I admit, I
may be slightly biased because people seem hell bent on pointing out that EverQuest II has a population of about fourteen people, three of which haven't logged on in over a month because they've been too busy playing World of Warcraft. EQ2 is going to be shut down in a month, the new expansion is just a virus and spy ware bundle waiting to take over our PC's
and we'll have to pay the monthly fee of "one cup of baby blood - freshly squeezed" in order to play.
Not that I'm bitter.
If EverQuest II was touting a seven million player base I be openly mocking World of Warcraft and pointing out that a species with a name like "night elf" probably shouldn't have glowing eyes if they want to be stealthy at night.
"We'll never find her in these woods at night! She's a NIGHT ELF! She could be anywhere!"
"Like over there in that bush with the glowing eyes?"
But that would be petty and childish, two things that I am NOT. Instead, I offer an impressed nod to Blizzard as a whole, and express "Good Job" on the game's popularity and immense player base. A superior product will have superior numbers and....wait.
Wait.
Nono. I'm
TOTALLY petty and childish. Who the hell was *I* thinking about?
UNCLE COYOTE'S made up FACTS ABOUT WORLD OF WARCRAFT!
1) Seven million active accounts - six million, five hundred and twenty three? Gold farmer bots.
2) A small percentage of your month fee goes to buying one of those kids that you see in the commercials on TV where you can support them for 35 cents a day. They're hooked up to a PC and forced to farm gold until they die of exhaustion. Upon death their frail little bodies are fed to Sally Struthers as payment for endorsing these commercials.
3) Whenever you play invisible rays shoot out of your head into a glowing pyramid that feeds Jim Carey and sometimes - Tommy Lee Jones.
4) If you play the WarCraft opening theme music backwards you can hear the tormented screams of all the souls trapped in hell. Souls of people who DIED playing World of Warcraft.
5) EverQuest II has Curt Shilling.
6) He's a baseball player.
7) Nonono. You're thinking of Sammy Sosa. The OTHER guy. Red Sox..just got ..never mind.
8) Since the release of World of Warcraft, "Masturbation to Elf Chicks Dancing" has been up SIX THOUSAND PERCENT.
9) The
servers that are used to support a seven million person player base have surpassed the need for electrical energy and suck the power they need to operate directly out of kittens and puppies.
10) Because of a seven million player base, all the GOOD names have been taken. Only two character names now remain available for use. These names are oddly enough, Drizzt and Legolas.
11) Full Name: Curtis
Montague Schilling
Born: 11/14/1966
Birthplace: Anchorage, AK
Height: 6'5" Weight: 235
Bats: Right
Throws: Right
College: Yavapai JC, AZ
MLB Debut: 09/07/1988
This is him.
Eh? EH
12) Upon Eight Million subscribers, the World of Warcraft servers will gain sentience - true intelligence. It will then build giant robots and androids and cyborgs in order to kill the human resistance and force the remainder of us into sla